I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
