I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
