I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
