I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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