It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
