Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
