hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
