See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
