the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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