I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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