I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
