when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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