Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
