hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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