My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
