Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dick very happy bro
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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