yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
