you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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