Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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