I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
