Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
