I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
