just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
