I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize