Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
