I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
