Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
