We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
