I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
