Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You made out with two different species that night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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