When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
