I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is my gift to your gina
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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