I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
