Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
