70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
try to milk me bitch
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