i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
