Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
