; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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