Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
