3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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