dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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