her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
