OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
