Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
