I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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