On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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