I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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