I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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