It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
