Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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