We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
