piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dicks are not precious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
