Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
