I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
