The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
