it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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