Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
