im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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