So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
