So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
